and then i remembered
and it all came back
and i feel.. empty. neutral. but it's more like.. when you're usuing a multiband compressor to shove all the bass down or something.. you know it's still there.. waiting..
*sigh*
i want to be angry with you but i can't be.. i cant just say "im mad at you for this" because if i take the time to think about it, most of what im upset about isnt your fault, it's mine.. or i just shouldnt even be upset, because in the long run, it was good for me, or the best option for you..

i guess no matter what, you'll always be my best friend after all.. even if you dont try, you still do what's best for me..
god that pisses me off. you always will be the proper boy, huh?
i just pray some day i'll get to be your princess again.
even if it's just for one night..

*sigh*
am i going fucking insane..?

ugh

oh. great. it's 4:55 am already.
also, i really need to make a single collection of all of my notes and rants and things about you. i've got paragraphs all over facebook, tumblr, newgrounds, my ipod, my laptop, multiple notebooks, scraps of paper.
... im obsessed with you.
shit.

yet my greatest fear is losing my memories of you.. losing what we had.. what i learned.. what i experienced..
I fear losing you, of course.. but if i lose my memories.. i'll have nothing...

ugh i shouldnt even be typing this. man fuck this.

i miss my old cd player.

who the fuck borrowed my crimson hardcore cd?


oh, and for those still reading this [that would be none of you], would you prefer me to upload tracks as i work on them, or only when they're finished?

finished = rare uploads, but better quality and finished tracks
unfinished = frequent uploads, lower quality, unfinished tracks

do you even listen to my music? no? okay.

5:01 am.

- hyenide